heavensreader | [IC Inbox -- Snowblind]

[Oh, no. That is not a good sound. Is he angry at her? Kesara responds almost instantly, herself sounding a little breathless from hard work.]

Hullo, Duster. I'm still alive and I'm still digging. There's just more rubble.

Good. [ He tries to even out his voice a little, clearing his throat. ] Take a break for a second. I have to tell you something.

[... it's not a happy something. Kesara can tell at once. She remembers the last call she got that had gone something like this. Jim. Telling her about Kunsel.

No. No. Please no.]

Was - was someone hurt?

[ He kneads at his forehead, sighing out loudly. He doesn't want to do this, but it's an obligation he can't refuse. ]

Last night, before lockdown, an anomaly found us. House, Ecks, Solomons, Tifa and I stayed in the same building. The anomaly broke in, and took Solomons.

[ That's what he's angry about. Kesara won't see it, but he's clenching his fists, stalking through the snow like a man possessed. ] He's gone. Dead.

[At first he gets nothing but silence. A long, long silence. When Jim had told her about Kunsel and Zach, Kesara felt like he'd plunged her deep in icy water, and she'd come out paralysed, unable to think, to understand. It's not the same now. Now she understands at once. This has happened before.

It'll probably happen again. Many times.

And that realization breaks her. Her breathing flutters in her chest for a moment, crackling there faintly, and she chokes on a whimper, one, then another. Gone. Dead. All of the stories. All the kind words. The Devil take it - she isn't going to cry, not again...]

Why aren't any of you more careful?!

[ The silence is fine. Royce has to let himself settle down. The walk through the snow aches, his side and chest all sorts of sore from the jabs Ecks gave him the night before, but it's an ache that gives him something to focus on. A physical ache to keep the emotional one away. He doesn't need to think about what he's talking about too closely as long as he keeps walking. ]

He was careful. [ Royce says quietly. ] Most careful man I've seen here, other than me. The anomalies can't be stopped.

[ He doesn't want to listen to her cry, dammit. ] He may not be completely gone. You and I both know that.

[Of course it's a fair answer. Kesara is rational and she understands that risk is risk and that not everything can be controlled or prevented. She understands. Heavy sounds come through as she slumps onto the icy floor of the tunnel - she tries to crouch but ends up with her bottom on the frozen ground, too shaky to support her own slight weight. More muffled noises. She hits that ground, again and again and again.

It yields nothing. She's a slip of a girl and already exhausted from digging. She's so angry.]

I'm not waiting for him. He can't ask me to! I have to dig.

He wouldn't ask you to. [ Royce's voice is firm, but gentle. ] Don't wait.

[ God, how does he do this comfort thing? Royce doesn't have a lot of experience with talking with kids, so he sort of just... talks to her like he would an adult he's concerned about. ] If you're angry, use it to dig, but don't overwork yourself. Your death is not worth a new discovery.

My death wouldn't even matter. [Her sourness is purely one of realism. She can't finish the tunnel alone. She's been very good at telling herself otherwise, but now, at this cold hard moment, she starts to see.] I need help, Duster, and if he won't come then someone else will have to.

[It's almost like another voice speaking out of her now, and she even knows whose. This is what Dame Ariel would have said, who is too wise to ever grieve or be angry. But she is only Kesara, still.]

Do you - would he really not ask me to? I'd have wanted him to, if it were me...

Nobody's death matters here if they just come back. [ Royce says, and his sourness matches hers. ] There are plenty of people in the area. They'll be there to help.

[ And then he thinks about that last part, choosing his words carefully. ] It's your discovery. It's different. He would wait for you, if you asked.

I don't know who they are! I don't know where they are. You were with him so you must be close. Are you coming?

[She tries to catch onto the tail end of that moment's strength, what her mentor could have done. It doesn't quite come out right. It's a desperate little plea, not a decisive demand.]

They don't all come back. Kain - Kunsel - he made the count and most of them don't cone back. That's why we can't wait even when - anytime. Because, because if we do then the wait will eat us. I can't, I'm afraid to...

[ Her question breaks his heart a little, but. He takes a deep breath and pushes it away. ]

I'm not waiting for him. I'm going to keep going. [ His voice gets lower here, almost like he's trying to soothe, placate. ] Don't be afraid. House and Ecks are nearby. Those are two people who can be close.

[ And, finally, because he doesn't want to admit he wants to be far away from House: ] I need food first, Kesara.

[It's not being alone that she's afraid of, but she can't quite shape the words for her true fear, that fear of being eaten by the weight of waiting. So she folds it up and lays it in the back of her mind. She can't embarrass herself in front of Duster with strange, vague fears. Not even while she grieves.]

I need food too. [Her voice is small when she admits as much.] If, if you bring some then I'll repay you. I'll find a way. You can have one of my knives.

[ He doesn't sound like he's judging her, if it's any comfort. He doesn't expect her to be strong at all times, and he's honestly impressed by the way she's been handling this. ]

I'll bring food. [ He can try to promise that. ] We can talk about repaying when I actually get to you.

You're not getting anything if you die digging that tunnel, though. So don't.

If I'm going to die then I'll die. [Abruptly, her voice drops. She's only half talking to him. The other half is to the crystaline cold walls, the scant light that drifts bluish through the snow, the sharp shapes of the shadows. Death is everywhere around her. She is aware of it as never before in her short life.] If it happens then it happens. Life isn't the coinage of the Game. I'll do what I can until then.

[They sound like wise, brave words. But from the inside, she feels like her guts have frozen within her.]

[IC Inbox -- Snowblind]

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