heavensreader | [IC Inbox -- Snowblind]

[The truth is that he does not need to look upset - he just has to look at her. Kesara in her element is as good at hiding just how deeply other people touch her as she is at being thus touched. Norfinbury puts a whole new order of demand on this skill. She struggles to rein in the crumpling of all her features with relief, damp eyes, the crinkle of her lower lip as she bites it bloody. But even she quickly recognises that it's a lost cause, and that she is tired of trying for it. He is the third person to die despite her quietly labelling him as hers, and thinking that someone thus labelled should have no right to die on her. It's a childish thing. Her anger is childish. Even if she has much preferred it to grief.

She breathes in and out and raises a hand to echo his gesture. The bite of her lip melts into a smile, shaky with the intensity of emotion.]

Of course I forgive you. That is, if, if you forgive me for digging some more without waiting for you.

That's nothing to forgive. You keep digging, Kesara.

[Alfie doesn't care about the glory. He doesn't care about being there for any discoveries so that he can share in the credit. He cares about getting out, and getting back to his life.]

I wanted to wait. But I know we all have to hurry.

[Wait for him - it wasn't about the digging. Wait for him to be alive. Have the hope that he would be. Wouldn't that have been the right thing to do? But she could not.

There's a drop of guilt in her relief. She swallows a little.]

The death prices pass. It only takes a few days. You should still come here. I'm - I'm getting very tired.

[He hesitates here, because she's very clearly concerned, and he doesn't want to make that worse. But while he is coming, he knows it'll take longer than it should, and she deserves to know why.]

I didn't have most of my things on me. Duster has got most of my food and clothes. He's bringing them down just as fast as he can, but it'll be a few days, and in the meantime I can't go out into the snow dressed as I am.

[He knows she'll pick up on the unspoken meaning behind his words - Duster is bringing food and warm clothes, and he'll arrive in a few days. That means that for those few days, Alfie will be without food and warm clothes. He writes it as matter-of-factly as possible, to try to partially make up for how worry-inducing the situation is.]

As soon as he gets here, I'll be on my way.

You sleep if you need to, Kesara. There's nothing wrong with a well-deserved break.

[The tablet reads out his written words, and bit by bit Kesara's face crumples again, her control too fragile and slippery now to hold. She understands. A few days can be a very long time.

She swallows hard, throat working with it. But this is not certainty. It's only a risk. They all take risks. She's taken a risk just the other night...]

You need to... Mr. Solomons, listen. Food is the least important thing. People can live a long time without food. Even a few days without water. The cold will kill you first of all. So even if you are hungry and tired you must move. And you must sleep but only a little, because in the cold once you sleep too deeply, that is when you never wake. Do you know what to do?

[Maybe he already knows. But if he is a London man, a city man, then this is knowledge she has and he might not have. And he can have it for free.]

You shouldn't worry about me - I'm safe - but there are ways to survive while waiting for supplies. If you know how.

Yes.

[He's from the city, but he's been in war. Their supplies usually hadn't run this low, and it had never gotten anywhere near as cold as it gets in Norfinbury - but he'd still learned skills that can be applied to this new, more extreme situation.]

It's not so bad. The delay is the worst part.

[The cold is the worst part.]

Keeping dry too, as well as I can. That's an important thing that people don't think about.

[He's aware of wetness sapping body heat, but also of things like skin infections - every veteran of the Great War has seen at least one terrible case of trench foot.]

Dying is the worst part.

[He can lie to her all he'd like - he probably can pass a great many lies past her. But not this one. He cannot reassure her that he is just fine and dandy with having died. What do Jews believe about the Resurrection? Kesara thinks she might have known, but she can't recall...]

But if you stay inside then you can keep dry. And you can talk to me if you need to stay awake - I can be loud as anything, you know. And perhaps - perhaps the admin will help you. She brought you back, so she must want you alive.

[She's right. Dying bothers him, and will continue to bother him. Being eaten, going cold, waking up in the morgue... he shivers, glad he isn't on video right now. It's not something he's ready to talk about yet.]

You call me anytime you like, Kesara. As often as you think I need. I would appreciate it very much.

[If only she could hear his voice say it, not the tablet's. But she believes him. And it gives her, like a small treasure, the slightest feeling that there is something she can do. Some effect she can have on his situation, his fate. She doesn't stop to linger on whether it is a false feeling.]

You be careful what you ask for, Mr. Solomons, because I will. You'll be right sick of my stories by the time you get your supplies. Even though all of them are very good.

I'll look forward to it, then.

[He's not sure he could get sick of her. She's simply too adorable.]

[IC Inbox -- Snowblind]

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