heavensreader | [IC Inbox -- Snowblind]

[And just like that, he promises.

Duster may not see it, may not guess it, but half the tension drains out of Kesara all at once. It leaves her giddy, as though a real weight quickly rushed out of her head and all her muscles. She had been terrified. That qualifier, physical, means very little to her young mind, where the notion of emotional hurt is a vague shapeless one. He won't kill her. The mistake won't cost her life.

She's left with the other half - the fear that he won't trust her, that he'll see her only through that mistake, and the guilt that comes with that. She understands just how badly she'd fumbled. The cost of a life. It was exactly as Lady Gavin had always said about the Great Game. A lesson she had always been so determined not to learn on her own flesh - or another's.

She swallows hard, and does manage to get the lump in her throat down. It's easier to speak like that.] I - I understand - though - I wasn't getting involved, I wasn't trying to open it up again. I know what you said to me about that. I only meant to ask how Ecks was doing, and she mentioned you, and then it - she - it went wrong. I mean I went wrong.

[It did not "go wrong" by some mystical process. It was her. It's on her.]

But Ecks, she was involved because House is her teacher, and I was involved because I care about Ecks - like Mr. Solomons was involved because he's your friend. I don't know what Dr. Watson's business is. But the rest of it, I don't know how - how anything can be just between two men.

[Why is she talking back to him at all - what right does she have? None. But she wants to understand. Only by understanding will she be able to affect anything.]

[ He doesn't mind that she wants to understand. In fact, he's glad that she does - means she cares enough to figure out why she upset him. Not many people do that, and he's grown accustomed to it, to people not caring about what they do affecting him. It bothers him less because he expects it.

He appreciates that she takes responsibility, whether it's right or wrong. To him, it was wrong. This is why it rings truer as an apology. No I messed up but it was still the right thing to do - just an admittance. No strings. ]

It just was. [ That's all. It was just supposed to be between him and House, and Royce doesn't have any words or explanations on it further. ] It's done. He died. I died. It's even. I want nothing else to do with it. I'm moving on. Everybody else should as well.

I have better things to do than obsess over a sad, old man who hates himself.

[He lays down that finality and she all but physically strains against it. It just was, he says, it just is, there's no other answer. Kesara doesn't work well with questions that have no answers beyond it just is. And anyway he's wrong. She knows he's wrong. She knows what blood feuds are, even if this is the first time she'd ever been embroiled in one.]

But... [She doesn't think Duster will understand, or at any rate care if she tries to explain about House being Ecks's teacher. So it has to be a different story. And he did give her the hint of one, back when they first talked. When she decided she liked him.]

Duster, you have this friend, right? The one who isn't good at keeping secrets. I remember you told me. Would - would he not have wanted to go after Ecks now, because of what she's done to you? If she did it to him, wouldn't you go after her?

[Maybe they aren't that kind of friends. But it's the only way in she has.]

No. He wouldn't. [ Royce knows Hadrian well enough for that. ] If she did it to him, I wouldn't try to get revenge on Ecks because it's pointless. She would have no reason to do it in the first place, and nothing would be gained. I don't do revenge. This was not an act of revenge. This was a promise, and a punishment, and it's done.

I am not the one prolonging this. You, and Watson, and Ecks - you all cannot let this go. Solomons is done with it as well. And he respects my wish to be done with it. Follow his example. [ He's getting angry again. ]

[She can hear that anger, and recoils from it, wheels turning in her head. Going at it this way isn't getting her anywhere with Duster. He says his friend wouldn't have... he thinks she's got the whole story wrong. And maybe she has.]

All right. I understand now. [This is Duster's way. These are Duster's rules. She can only play his game by understanding them.] That is not how it's done in Serindia, but, it's wiser. No revenge. No feud. Two men settling their business - and it's done.

[He'll have a hard time convincing the others who have interfered - Watson especially, she thinks - but she can't tell him that.]

[ He knows he'll have a difficult time convincing the others, but he's not as concerned about that. He doesn't have to travel with them. ]

Good. [ She understands - he knows she probably doesn't agree, but again, that's not what he's concerned about. This is the way he's operating. He needs understanding so that he can give her the same in return. Royce sighs, letting the rest of the anger drain out of him. ]

I can't. Walk straight. But I am coming to your tunnel and this time nothing will stop me.

Don't say it when you don't know.

[Kesara doesn't mean to say that. It slips. People have made promises to her before, and a good half of the time could not keep them. She resented it. Now she just knows, it is how it is. So she doesn't want promises anymore. She much prefers cold truth she can rely on.

Her voice is a little soft, still.]

Just take your rest and then come straight here and be careful of anomalies. You message me when you're at the house where I started digging from. I'll tell you when Zach and I can make it out to meet you.

I will. [ He'll make it there somehow, even if Emily has to help him stumble the whole time. ] Speak with you soon, little terror.

[IC Inbox -- Snowblind]

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